When is a marriage over?

Nothing saddens me more than a story where a man has simply given up on his relationship and completely frustrated his partner. If it happens because the spouse is overweight or is unwilling to put in what it takes to keep the relationship strong, I can understand, but when it happens because of any other reason, then there is no excuse. Not even when the man suffers from erectile dysfunction.

Let us review Karen's case. She writes, "I'm a woman that is not fat, and there is nothing wrong with my libido. I do everything for my husband - all the farm work even the building. He sleeps on the couch, we never make love, he never hugs me, kisses me or associates with me at all but yells at me. I go to my room watch TV alone. I see him 2 hours a day; that's it. I can't cheat on him no matter what. I hate those vows, for better or worse. I'm the one with depression. What's up with this marriage? I have talked with him about it and he gives me an excuse, maybe it's my eye sight that I fall asleep. Boy is that lame! Is my marriage over? Help me!!!!"

Karen, sadly enough, your marriage is over. Even if you go for therapy, I don't expect any significant improvement. He has not only lost interest in you, he has lost interest in life. So it is not your problem; it is his problem. If you have the choice, throw him out of the house and move on. Remember it is your life and you only live it once.

I say this despite the fact that I am a strong opponent of divorce (Related article: Don't let your marriage fall apart). You are at a point when the only hope that you have is to get him out of your life. I have recommended adultery in the past to women like you so that you can at least keep your marriage together but I am not sure if that is an option for you. The only other thing that I can recommend is that you give him a 90-day period in which you both work to put your marriage back on the tracks. And tell him that if you are not satisfied with the relationship after that period, there will be no further discussion and the marriage is over.

Recommended article: Saving marriage in America